✟- CONFUSED about LOVE-✟

My knees start to shake
when you're in sight,
my minds filled with wonder
my heart with fright.

when will this feeling stop, 
when did it start 
how can I listen to my mind
without breaking my heart.

I am so confused, 
what should I do? 
I can't think of anything 
except of you.

Should I ignore you 
or just give it time
I can't think straight 
my heart controls my mind.

✖ Love hurts ✖

You told me I was the only one

who could make you feel that way

you told me that you cared about me

so why didnt you stay

All the nights you laid with me

alone in the dark in my bed

now I finally realize

you were just messing with my head

Love is such a powerful word

a word people often misuse

something they take for granted

something they beat and abuse

My wounds run deep inside me

there's blood all over the place

I think I’ve really lost it this time

Im ashamed to show my face

Pretend not to be jealous~ :'(

I have started keeping a blog (no, this is not an ad for that), but I wanted to share a poem I had written a while back about fertility. My journey continues, and I am trying SOOOOO hard to maintain a positive attitude about it. So, here goes:

Just so you know my friends,
I don't want to be _______, but I am
I don't want to ______, but I do
I want to be _________, but I am not
I pretend to be __________, but it's just pretending
I am working on it all
I am trying so hard,
I really am.

Just so you know.

I wrote this a long time ago...about...8 or 9 months I'd say...I wrote this because I was hurting and sad and angry. I wrote this to many people and there are many words that can fill in those blanks...the words I originally filled them in with were:

Just so you know my friends,
I don't want to be jealous, but I am
I don't want to cry, but I do
I want to be happy for you, but I am not
I pretend to be ok with it, but it's just pretending
I am working on it all
I am trying so hard, I really am.


But, I am going to try to re-write the words on this:

Just so you know my friends,
I don't want to be jealous, but I am happy for you.
I don't want to cry, but I do sometimes, and that's ok.
I want to be happy for you, but I am not, I am excited for you! I pretend to be ok with it, but it was just pretending...I am ok now.
I am working on it all
I am trying so hard, I really am.

Just so you know.

So, just so you know my friends, I don't know what path I'm headed down as far as more children go, but I am happy for those of you who are being blessed day by day with your new little ones. It still hurts and I'm dealing with it, but it's not the end of the road.

Moment In Time~!

We talked,
We walked,
for a Moment in Time.

You passed through my life that day and left your mark.
You may never pass my way again,
Or you may stay for a lifetime.

No matter what,
I want to say thank you for the impression you made
that will stay with me for eternity.

I enjoyed the walk,
I enjoyed the talk.
I am blessed for that moment in time.

The first time I saw you I knew you would affect my life,
though your role I did not know.
I asked myself, "Why is she alone?
Why does she sit so quiet, all alone?
Is she sad?
Is she glad to be alone?
Is she alone?
Is she lonely? "
There is so much I want to know.

I asked myself, "Why her?
When so many people pass through my life each day,
why her? "

What attracts me to you?
What makes me want to know more?
I want to know.

Even if my questions are never answered,
There is one thing I want you to know.
I have been blessed by the effect you had on me in that
Moment in Time.

What comes of tomorrow???

I have very few friends who are true to my heart. 

Yet, those that are, I care for and love unconditionally. 

I wish for them health, happiness, prosperity, beauty, and love. 

I wish for them all things good. 

Joy is what fills the heart of they
which hold within the mysteries of a friend

A passion unknown unto words
Within them fall the tears of all things they endure as one
And from their eyes diamonds fall,
So precious every one

Dear within, the memories they caress with sorrow
And gather them today, for what may come of tomorrow

Priceless
Priceless ever are these moments that we spend with those so dear
Comforting now to know that they are near
Yet there comes a day when they see the eagle soar
And feel within their hearts

A passion so much more

As we stand beside them when that gleam glows in their eyes
What comes of tomorrow

My friend's lost paradise

And though a distant barrier wells up within the heart

There is a joy inside
To know the joy of a dawning start
Standing there beside them on that road to paradise

We say farewell and weep

Knowing they must also compromise
And so we hold them close and whisper in their ear
Please take with you these memories.
Then from the eyes,
Your tear.

~My Depressing School's Life~

School`s a place where u spend most of ur day,

and in this place almost nothing goes ur way.

u want to dance and u want to play,

but the problem is that u neeeeeeeed to get an A.

My school starts with assemblies so long,

ans ends with the same old boring school song.

Then all the kids get in their class ,

They say`Thank God the assembly is over at last"!!!

You enter the school building and u r depressed,

The amount of depression is so unexpressed.

Sitting everyday on the same old chair and bench,

You`d rather be lying in the worlds deepest trench.

Same old people and same old faces,

Bring to their teacher their same old boring cases.

Going for a treck on the same old hills,

It makes u long for headache pills!!

Same old boring games we play,

You hate to see this always.

Same old living and same old routine,

I wonder how boring my school life(yet)has been!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Christmas is Over !! ~

Christmas is over...
The New Year's almost here.
The tree lights are darkened...
I sure do miss you, dear.

The stockings are empty,
And so's my aching heart;
Yet, I need to tell you
Before the New Year's start.

I'll always love you.
You're always in my prayer.
If ever you need me,
My thoughts will be right there.

Although there is distance
Between us, I can smile;
Because I can hold you
In my heart, for just awhile.

I realize God gave me
This gift... I know it's true.
The gift that He gave me
Is all my love for you.

I don't know the reason
God gives and takes away.
I just know, this season
I turn to Him and pray.

"Bless all my loved ones...
The ones for whom I care.
Keep them in safety,
Until I can be there."

I know that God loves me,
And, so, He loves you too.
And, so, in His season,
I send my faith to you.

"Many of us, between the start of this holy season, and the end, find ourselves filled with sadness, missing the ones who cannot be with us. We all have our list of bittersweet memories, and the hardest day is the day after all the festivities, when we realize how much we missed the missing. To him, I dedicate this poem."